AP News Los Angeles,
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
In a shocking announcement Charlie Sheen has chosen his intern for Team Sheen. "Ladies and Gentleman, and all of you other A-holes in the world, I would like to ask Blog Star Dead Squirrel to be my new intern." Sheen said in his news release Thursday. "He has everything it takes ... fame, beauty, knowledge and a big set of nuts" Sheen said, referring to Dead Squirrel's ability to find acorns.
Dead Squirrel has not been able to be reached for comment, but he did release a statement of his own. "I am honored ... I think. I did meet with Charlie to discuss the position, but have not officially accepted it yet. I need a little time to make sure this is the right move for my career. Charlie did have me try on the tiger uniform that I would be required to wear. He also told me I would need to submit a pee sample to prove that I am clean. Strangely, he then gave me the pee that I was supposed to use. When I submitted it, the doctor said the good news was that I was clean, but the odd news was that I am a 13 year old girl according to the pee. Hmmm, I'm not sure what this meant. I will let you know when I formally accept this position, or if I will continue on with my own career as the most famous dead squirrel that ever lived. I am also contemplating other positions that I have been offered ... such as Willie Nelson's offer to have me be his lead roadie. There is a lot for me to think about right now."