Monday, January 31, 2011

Advice For Will Ferrel

I think you are very funny Mr. Ferrel. However, I can tell you one thing that I have learned ... maybe you can use this advice in your career somehow: Everything if funnier when you add a dead squirrel.

PS: I love that scene when you get shot in the neck with a tranquilizer gun, but my young daughter was traumatized. 

Sunday, January 30, 2011

We are finally here ... in the age of technology!!

Thanks to the science of of modern technology I was able to create this trick photograph which seamlessly makes it appear as though I am juggling! I just can't get over this ... simply amazing what we can do nowadays.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Nude Photography

I always thought it would be cool to be a nude photographer.
*I just cant figure out how it helps to take photographs when you are nude.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Letters I've Never Written #2

Dear High School Math Teacher,

In retrospect I think I was right. I have had absolutely no use for algebra in my life.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Ice Cream

I prefer 1 small bowl of ice cream .... and 39 subsequent trips back to the container to dig for more.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

State of the Squirrel Address

As Squirrel President I vow to have more of those 'Beer Summits'. I will start by having one of these summits with the guy that we are buying gas from. I am confident that we can work something out over a few cold ones.

You May Say

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Squirrely GaGa

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Late Night Talk Show Circuit


Friday, January 21, 2011

Willie Nelson, My Mom, & Me

Once I went to a Willie Nelson concert with my mom & dad ...  (don't ask). Do you see this look on my mom's face below? Well, this is the exact look my mom had (I think) when I said "Yes bartender I will have another vodka-cranberry."

Sorry ... I know this is probably only funny for me, but I just could not help but to share this little story. Happy Friday everyone!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Facebook Idea

I have this idea to create a Facebook page, but instead of being myself I will use this silly little Barbie Doll. My little squirrel friends will think this is so cute!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Monday, January 17, 2011

More Parental Wisdom

My mom always told me, "If you're feeling down, go get yourself a cute new pair of shoes."
*It works

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Saturday Trip to the Water Park!

Had a GREAT time at the water park yesterday!

On an unrelated note, does anyone know of a good dermatologist ... I woke up with a strange growth on my left foot this morning.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Boss Trick

Step #1: Write a bunch of emails for work ... especially ones to your boss
Step #2: Save emails as "drafts"
Step #3: At approx 7 PM change the time zone on your email to be on Hawaii time, and hit "send" on all.
(This should time stamp all of your emails for approx 3 AM). 
Step #4: Tell your boss how you were up all night working. Throw in terms such as 'dedicated', 'committed'. 
*This trick works best if you don't live in Hawaii

Friday, January 14, 2011

Wednesday, January 12, 2011


Is there such a thing as  Skee-Ballers Anonymous? I cant stop this sh*t

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Let me get this straight

Okay ... let me get this straight. We can look up a photo of pretty much any house on the planet online, but we can't create a a car that holds a full gallon of wiper fluid?

Monday, January 10, 2011

Uh ...

... Huh ... Oh ... Uh ...  Sorry ... Uh, we're you talking to me?

Sunday, January 9, 2011

SNL Skit Concept #2

I thought it would make a funny skit on Saturday Night Live if they took classic sit coms and recreated them, but changed all of the characters ethnicity. Laverne & Shirley would be even funnier if all of the characters were changed to be African American.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Parental Wisdom #1

Once when I was younger I asked my father to read a poem by a famous poet that I had learned about in school. He looked at the book for a moment and then handed it back to me and said "Sometimes reading poetry is like smelling another person's gas"

Friday, January 7, 2011


This week stunk. I will forget all of my problems as soon as the first note of Justin Bieber hits the Karaoke machine tonight! 

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Letters I've Never Written #1

Dear Lady who would not let me over on the highway,

I just want to make sure that you have utilized the 2 seconds that you saved by not letting me in front of you wisely.

P.S. I am not sure if you noticed, but I ended up passing you about a mile further down the road.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Monday, January 3, 2011

SNL Skit Concept #1

I thought it would be a funny idea for a Saturday Night Live skit if people would dress up like bowling pins, and then stand together in a triangle. The things they would say to each other before the ball was rolled at them could be very funny.

Sunday, January 2, 2011


I made a new years resolution to exercise! So for I have bought new shoes, a shiny new t-shirt, and an I-pod! I think I need some more stuff before I actually start.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Holy Carp

O my, waht an amazing nite. Squirrel to girl ratio ws awsme (i think I was the only dead squirrel there)! Cab driver just now dropped me off a few minutes ago at 5am ... Thnk i gave him a $100 tip, crap. Do you think the mcdonalds drive thru is open right now? How bout Oakland Gyro? I am goig to bed, Check out the amazing night of pics on my facebook photo album!